Helicopter Does Not Exist

  • (Exhibition)
  • (Information)
Albert Allgaier
30 Aug 2011 - 30 Aug 2011


Exhibition text. 

Helicopters (also known as whirlycopters, retarded windmills, 
hellcopters and, less commonly, "useful flying machines") do not 
exist. This is because they were obviously invented by a retard 
(Taylor Freisen) - no, not Leonardo Da Vinci - Michelangelo 
Antonionioni. They are an elaborate lie created by the battle pelican 
conspiracy in order to mask their own existence. Years ago, the grand 
pelican warlord Steven Seagal believed that the humans were becoming 
dangerously close to aware of the master pelican race and began to 
fill the world with helicopter propaganda in order to throw the humans 
off of the trail. 
To any halfway intelligent human, however, it is obvious that 
helicopters do not, and cannot, exist. All one needs to come to this 
conclusion is a simple understanding of physics and the dynamics of 
flight. Flight is an illusion created by either a vigorous toss from a 
battle pelican (see: airplanes) or a complicated series of pulleys and 
levers, originally developed by David Blaine in 1776. The battle 
pelican theory however is heavily dependent on the shape of the object 
being thrown, and the use of a runway whereas the system developed by 
David Blane, clearly does not exist. While the unexistence of the 
'helicopter' is debated, a conversation between the tent people 
resulted in a crashing of a chopper into the building killing many 
ambassadors and detonating the nuclear stockpile hidden underneath. 
The tent people have since been relocated to lust gallery in the 
second district of vienna. Come and celebrate the opening of the 
Vienna Embassy on the 30th of August, 19:00

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